Don't Fall. I've Got Me.

It was just yesterday I told a good friend of mine, D, on an intense girl-to-girl, heart-to-heart session
that there was no point in wallowing in sadness and disappointment.
And if she keeps on doing that it will only end up in the destruction of her self-confidence, her self-esteem,
and in all the very essence that makes her who she is;
the great person and the good friend that we know and love.

I also told her that no matter what happens nothing can take away the wonderful person that is her
and that GOD wouldn't put his Servant through trials and tribulations if they can't overpower these afflictions.

I then quoted Dolly Parton by saying, "The way I see it, if you want the rainbow, you gotta put up with the rain."
"And if you do, D, put up with the rain that is, GOD will have in store for you a great reward and there is no greater reward than His," I told her.

I said to D that rather than be immersed in the mishaps that had befallen her, it would be better that she get back up on her feet and took brave steps forward.
"Sure you can cry your eyes out, punch your pillows til you tire yourself out," I told her. "But what would you get out of that except nothing. "I understand you completely and have been in numerous similar situations," I continued.

"I understand why we get angry when things don't go our way, but being angry itself won't ever get us out of our situation.
"Blow off your steam, D. Turn all that negative energy into positive ones. What just happened was not your fault and you will not a single person get in the way of your dreams.
"It's not worth it to be agitated because you're better than that."

As Sharon Salzberg said, "If we fall, we don't need self-recrimination or blame or anger - we need a reawakening of our intention and a willingness to re-commit, to be whole-hearted once again."

Now I am going to follow my own advice.

Photo Credits: art limited

It was about 10:45 PM last night. I was feeling absolutely elated about my new blog friends - I do hope we'll be friends! So I decided to check my blog through my phone before I went to sleep.
What met my eyes was not something I had quite expected at all.

"maaff yaaa muka anda ga enak utk diliat" 2010-01-07 2:47 PM
"jangan sok cantik" 2010-01-07 2:48 PM

"Sorry your face is not a pleasant thing to see"
"Stop acting like you're pretty"
were what both the messages said.

I couldn't sleep.
Not anymore.

Photo Credits: BLDGBLOG

My phone vibrated.
It was a text from H.

"Pick up your phone."

I looked at the screen and saw 5 missed calls.
All from him.

"You can call me now," I texted back. Soon enough he called, and I told him about my trial and tribulation.

He said, "Car, why should you bother with what other people think about you!?"

Of course I was not expecting to hear this kind of answer. I started to open my mouth in reply but he continued anywyas.
"Car, you're fighting a losing battle! You CAN'T make everybody like you! You CAN'T make people happy all the time!
"It is not worth your time dealing with people like them! Life is too short and you do not have to waste it on such spiteful, hateful people!"

Photo Credits: Nikander

I understood what he had said and I know that somehow it was true

but I couldn't get past it to accept it.
"No Hasbi, don't you get it? I CANNOT be in any fight or confrontation right now. And what better way to win over an enemy than by gaining them as a friend?"

I was referring to the Abraham Lincoln quote which stated, "The best way to destroy an enemy is to make him a friend."

H let out a sarcsatic laugh. "Car, what you do is exactly confronting them."
I made a sound of protest but H shut me up.
"Just how do you expect you befriend them?!
"Don't you see? Confrontation just gives them more pleasure - you're giving them what they want!
"You're better than them. You don't need people like them in your life!
"Why should you listen to what they say anyway? It's your life.
"Their opinions don't matter! So why stress yourself out by listening to their pitiful comments? It's ridiculous!"

I was speechless.

H continued, "You don't need to put up with their crap, Car. And you especially don't need to make friends with them."
I hmm-ed in reply, defeated.

There was a silence.

"Listen," H said. "I have 10 friends, 100 friends, or even 10,000 friends...they don't matter to me!"

"Because you'd rather have one friend that's true to you than 10,000 that would leave your side the minute a misfortune befalls you?" I interrupted.

"Yes but no," I could imagine him shaking his head on the other side of the phone line, a little smile playing on his lips.
"I don't know about you Car, but I got my family and most importantly I got you!!!

"I don't need friends!
"Not as long as I have you by my side."

We hung up shortly afterwards. Hasbi was right.
This is my life.
I own it and I steer it in whichever direction I want to take.
And whatever path I'm taking they won't be there; the ill-natured, malicious people.
I can earn nothing from them.
So I'm severing my ties with them even before any tie is formed.

Photo Credits: Nikki G.

I believe that you are who you make out you are.
You are who you believe you are.
And I certainly do not make myself out as someone who is remotely ugly.
Sure you can make a list of my "atrocities" and shove it under my nose and say "Intan, you're ugly."
In fact I'll make the list for you!
1. Your nose is crooked
2. You weight more than 50 kg
3. You wear glasses
4. You wear braces
5. Your shoulders are too broad
6. You have no ass
7. Your scrawny legs don't match your heavy upper body
8. You dye your hair black to hide your already graying hair
9. You have acne scars on your face
10. You're a geek
And the list goes on and on.

And yet no I won't even feel even an atomic speck in my heart of hearts that I'm ugly.
I'll adamantly and vehemently reject such a notion.
I am who I make out I am and I am who I believe I am.
And I make myself out as a charming, friendly and intelligent woman. And I believe I am so.
People, even the ones that don't know you, can say a lot of things about you.
And the internet has given these hatemongers a powerful, anonymous, and dangerous medium for them to disseminate such hateful messages as I have received.
We bloggers acknowledge and agree that freedom of expression is a fundamental right.
But so too is the right to be treated with equality, dignity and respect, and to be protected from the harm that can be caused by such expressions.
At this time and age how to provide such protection is a great debate in every country.
In the meantime all we can do is to protect ourselves.

As I said, people, even the ones that don't know you, can say a lot of things about you.
But you can always ignore them as they're not worth your time.
You know yourself more than anybody, so why take their words for what you know isn't true.
Remember it is not in anybody's best interests to interact with such a venomous bunch.

"Everything is material for the seed of happiness, if you look into it with inquisitiveness and curiosity. The future is completely open, and we are writing it moment to moment. There always is the potential to create an environment of blame -- or one that is conducive to loving-kindness."
- Pema Chödrön

Surround yourself with people who love you. :)

“Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind.”
- Dr. Seuss

“If you change the way you look at things, the things you look at change.”
- Dr. Wayne Dyer

“If you’re going through hell, keep going.”
- Winston Churchill

What D experienced and what I experienced were strictly different things.
And yet I will follow my own advice.
I have fallen and now I am picking myself up.


Take Back The City by ~naaera on deviantART

Love,
Intan